B C E F G H I L M O P R S T

Blurting

Monish Subherwal

An in-the-moment verbalization to call out what upsets you.Blurting requires you to be able to check in with yourself and how you feel about what is said — and then say something immediately.

Yup, Episode 5 is on how to do the Blurt

005 How to SPEAK UP in the moment…and not later (Blurt)

Why Is It Important?

When we don’t say what we want to say, we end up feeling:

  • Resentful
  • Stifled
  • Worthless
  • Bull-dozed
  • Unimportant
  • Frustrated
  • Angry
  • Victimized by others
  • Stifled around others
  • Guilty about the thought of speaking up

Speaking up IN THE MOMENT is an art and doing it consistently helps you set boundaries, assert yourself, and builds self esteem and self love.

Indicators that you need to Blurt

  • I wish I told him that!  But I would never say that.  [stifling themselves, victim mindset]
  • I felt guilty last time when I spoke up [ineffective programming that puts others needs ahead of their own]
  • I don’t want to cause problems [fear of retaliation]
  • Yeah, it’s OK – sometimes he says weird things, but I’m OK with it [maybe an indicator of disconnect of true feelings, need to see if they were taught to speak up or stay quiet] 

How To Blurt

  • First and foremost, you need to learn that you have to take responsibility for how you feel.  I have a good episode on Proactivity that can help.
  • There may be a number of issues underlying why you are not speaking your mind.  Figure out which one of those are the underlying issue, and calm those fears down.  Here’s a few things to think about:
    • It could be that you were told to never “talk back”.  You need to understand then that meeting your needs is OK.
    • It could be that you were taught to “be nice to others”.  You have to see that being resentful or mad makes you not so nice – so you need to speak up.
    • It could be you are afraid of what the other person may say or do as a result.
  • Blurting requires you to say ANYTHING.  Rather than sit there in doubt – it’s better to speak up and course correct to what your true feelings are.

Take Action NOW

  • As with any habit you want to instill, theres a few approaches.  Here’s some I can think of:
    • Setup a point structure – client gets a point for every time they blurt.  They keep track of the points and report back what they earned this week.
    • Have them visualize the next time they would like to speak up.  You can use a modified version of the Circle of Excellence to do this.  Here’s my post on how to do the Circle of Excellence.