Letting go of judgment

Monish Subherwal Humility Leave a Comment

One thing that kills collaboration and building healthy relationships, is judgement. To value others properly I find it’s best to abstain from too many judgments.

All judgements are evaluations (whether self judgement or judgment of others) and end up separating you from seeing others as human beings like yourself.  

In the moment we begin to believe “hey!  I’m pretty amazing and wayyy better than others” or “that person is NOT great/nice/competent/helpful/friendly/smart/etc. etc.” that evaluation now separates us from others.   

Positive judgements about others also create problems sometimes, “hey that person is really amazing at what they do.”  This may be true, but can now create a subconscious yardstick where you now are measuring everyone else up to some standard.  

We communicate and perpetuate judgement in subtle (and not-so-subtle ways) and thus people can “sense” being judged almost intuitively (although they may not be able to articulate exactly why they are uncomfortable around others).

The moment we judge others, our micro-expressions can change (our face and body language gives away clues that we do not approve of someone else).  Comments like “I expected more from you” or “you’re better than this!”, can belittle people and indicate we are judging others (although we may not even mean to offend).

I believe, without self-acceptance (discussed earlier), I believe, we can have troubles perceiving and appreciating others accurately.  After all, if we judge ourselves and hold ourselves so highly (or not), we can easily fall into the trap of projecting that judgement onto others and then comparison or competition can start.

Author’s story:  After getting into a conflict at work, my manager told me to try being curious rather than judging others.  If someone says or does something that doesn’t settle well with you, instead of jumping to conclusions and judging them – try and be curious.  This can open up dialogue and can allow you to be more flexible in your dealings with them. 

A good quote from the book Theory U, “But it is only in the suspension of judgment that we can open ourselves up to wonder. Wonder about noticing that there is a world beyond our patterns of downloading…Without the capacity for wonder, we will most likely remain stuck in the prison of our mental constructs.”

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