Stop Looking to Others for Advice – Eliminating the “SHOULD Game”

Monish SubherwalDesign Mindset and Philosophy, UncategorizedLeave a Comment

Lesson Intention: To help you refocus your attention to what your heart wants, rather than what others want.

Oftentimes we can get stuck in the self-doubt game. One form of the self-doubt game is the “SHOULD” game.

Should I get that tattoo of Justin Timberlake on my chest? Should I gently push over that hipster bicycle rider so he learns that his pretentious outfit and attitude make no sense in a progressive society?


The BIG shoulds

Ahh the decisions we have to make! Then we start getting into less silly SHOULD questions: We start asking, what SHOULD I do with my life?

Yikes. What a big and important question! So we start information gathering. This is how they taught us in school, afterall. We start to do the following:

  • Ask ourselves the same SHOULD question over and over again

  • Ask others what SHOULD we do.

  • Check out other information sources: we search online, read some books, watch that Justin Bieber movie to figure out what we SHOULD do.

There is nothing wrong with the SHOULD game. Once in a while it’s OK. I don’t believe we all need to be confident 100% of the time.

But what is wrong with the SHOULD game, is that it often keeps us stuck. A big question like, what SHOULD I do with my life — gets different answers from others. All our information gathering sources like to drop their 2 cents. “You should do X, Y, Z!” or sometimes we’ll get someone who says “I do X, Y, and Z. So SHOULD you!”

When we ask SHOULD, we get people’s opinions and ideas. But rarely do people return to us and ask “well, what do you think you SHOULD do?” And if they do we get stuck! No fair! They’re not playing the SHOULD game right.

Who Came Up With Should?

Recognize this. Society dictates “SHOULD.”

If we think even for a second we SHOULD be somewhere, that we SHOULD be something, or we SHOULD be someone, that we SHOULD be X,Y,Z other than we are — then we get stuck in which society dictates. We then check out from our own inner intuition and feelings, and try to figure out SHOULD and how to reach SHOULD.  

Stop SHOULDING all over yourself 

Stop looking to others for advice, help, and support.  It is often better to make a decision yourself and accept the consequences, then rely on others.  This builds self-reliance, self-trust, self-love, and self-confidence. 

When we end up playing the SHOULD game, we forget ourselves.

Stay Empowered,



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