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Emotional Bank Account

Monish Subherwal

Emotional Bank Account is a metaphor used to describe the amount of trust that’s built up in a relationship (it’s like a balance in your bank account).  It’s the feeling of safety that you have with another human being.

Episode 1 teaches The Emotional Bank Account!

Check it out!001 Build Healthy Relationships (The Emotional Bank Account)

Why Is It So Important?

When two people have a habit of putting each other down, low trust is created (the bank account is being withdrawn).  This causes communication to break down (the meaning of people’s words are weighed heavily and people may be “walking on eggshells”).

The opposite holds too, when love, kindness, respect, integrity are maintained, the relationship flourishes.  THAT is what the Emotional Bank Account teaches.

Indicators that Your Emotional Bank Account is LOW

When you feel like…

  • There is low trust or safety in your relationship (too many ups and downs).
  • You are walking on eggshells.
  • You don’t feel understood in a relationship.
  • There is hostility or defensiveness in the relationship.

You say one of the following things:

  • I feel like I can’t trust him!  [low trust indications]
  • I am always careful about what I say around her.  She’s so sensitive. [walking on eggshells]
  • I can’t stand it when she… [complaining]

How To Use The Emotional Bank Account

  • Solving a person’s relationship problem is NOT the way to use the Emotional Bank Account.
  • You have to work to setup conditions for a healthy relationship.
  • Check to see if the relationship has more or less deposits or withdrawals.  In fact, rate the percentage of withdrawals or deposits in your relationship as whole.
  • Ask yourself, how are some ways  I can make deposits into my relationship on a constant basis?
  • Setup a structure to ensure that the conditions in the relationships are such that MORE deposits are created than withdrawals.  Be creative with it.


The concept was originally created by the late and respected Stephen Covey (RIP) in his book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”.  You can visit Stephen Covey’s website here.