Ra Re


Monish Subherwal

1.  Rapport is the presence of trust, respect and safety, harmony, understanding, and cooperation in a relationship.
2.  That you appreciate, understand, and respect another person’s view of the world.

NOTE:  You don’t need to agree or even like the person to be in rapport.

Episode 9 teaches the basics of Rapport!

001 Build Healthy Relationships (The Emotional Bank Account)

Why is Rapport Important?

Rapport is VITAL for anything to get done.  If you don’t have a level of rapport with others – you could not operate in this world.  We have to trust others instantly.  When we have rapport, our communication is smooth.  We have influence.  We get others to follow us.  We also work with others a LOT better.

Without rapport, there is distrust.  No one follows what you say.  Your ideas don’t stick.  No one will buy from you or even like to work with you.

Indicators of a Lack of Rapport

There may be a lack of rapport if in your relationships, you don’t feel listened to and heard, don’t feel liked, communication is not flowing, there is mistrust and lack of understanding, there is a feeling of disconnect.

General feelings when there is a lack of rapport:

  • You don’t feel understood in a relationship.
  • You don’t feel listened to and heard.
  • You don’t feel liked.
  • Communication is not flowing.
  • There is mistrust and lack of understanding.
  • There is a feeling of disconnect.

Things you may say that indicate a lack of rapport:

  • He’s always so sensitive!  He misinterprets what I say and gets hurt about it!  [indicator of lack of rapport]
  • He’s always questioning what I say.  It’s like its being analyzed for accuracy. [indicator that rapport is weak]
  • I feel like I don’t belong in their group [indicator that rapport hasn’t been established]
  • He won’t ever listen to what I say! [indicator that rapport hasn’t been established]

How to Build Rapport

Companies tend to give a budget for team outings and dinners. Why? Because they want your team to establish rapport. This is also the reason why couples go on retreats – to establish more rapport – to be more “in sync”.

  • When there is a lack of rapport, you need to actively create it. Ask yourself: what efforts are you currently taking to establish rapport in your relationship?  Are you working on having fun and getting to know the other person?
  • Figure out a way you can produce a constant stream of deposits into the other person’s emotional bank account.
  • This can also be coupled with Inevitability Thinking, where we can ask “How can you create the conditions that you are always maintaining and creating rapport all the time?”  The answer to this could be:  daily walks, shared gratitude journals, team lunches.
  • Be creative and come up with 5-10 ways to establish more rapport.


Rapport is often taught in NLP classes.  I learned my stuff from my teachers Jack and Evelyn at the Center for Advanced Life Skills.